I can see the finish line

Errrm....eeeek. Those are the noises that often come out of my mouth before answering the sometimes anxiety-provoking question : "When do you graduate?" and "Where will you work?". The answer to the former is always, "So soon, so soon. Aug. 7th to be exact". The answer to the latter varies with "Ooooo I'm not thinking about that yet" or "I'm not quite sure but I'm sure God will work everything out! No worries", or maybe even "Psssh, I have plenty of time to think about that later". Haaa, sometimes I wonder if I give these answers because I'm trying to convince myself that is how I truly feel.

The truth is I am extremely fearful of what lies ahead. I've been a college student for 6 years total now, nestled comfortably in a dorm room, or in a community where everything is familiar and "safe". As the graduation date approaches, I realize that it is not only that I'm anxious about having the extreme responsibility of being an Nurse Practitioner, but also the fact that God may be calling me to something more than that. And the interesting aspect is that I am not exactly sure what that is yet. So, yes, he's made it quite clear that being a nurse is my calling but is that all? Will the "work" and the journey stop when I begin my first job? Nope, and that is what I'm quite sure of. So what I'm saying is that I'm quite sure that I'm not sure about what God has planned for me next. 'Tis a bit scary. But underlying all that fear, is the memory of that foundational love that has always steered my life. So although my emotions may provoke my mind to experience periodic uncertainty, my heart understands that God has it all under control. So the entire revelation, and constant struggle that I have come to realize, is that I need to trust, trust, and trust some more in God's love and ability to guide the way.

Today was my last clinical day and I still can't believe it. I've been in clinical for as long as I can remember ( well actually just since the beginning of my program in Aug. 2009). I've rotated through so many sites, and situations. And my last site couldn't have been more ideal. My preceptor was such a joy to learn from. She is a 30- something, fun, and loving family woman. She is a tender-hearted mother of three who enjoys her job, and genuinely cares for her patients. I watched her over the summer as she was often concerned, even after the patient left, whether what she prescribed would actually help them. She often followed up with our patients who came in extremely ill, calling them on several occasions ensuring that they were feeling well again and asking if they had any specific questions. She was the type of provider who would spend those extra 5-10 minutes to talk to the patient about a seemingly pointless topic, but if it was important to the patient then it was worth discussing. There were days where we were slammed with so many patients that we didn't have lunch but then there were days when we had only 10 patients. So on the days when we weren't so busy, we talked about life, God, family, and you know matters that concern a lady ( which could be anything from shopping to gardening haha). Or you might find us watching a live stream of Rupert Murdoch's testimony or making jokes about portable healthcare in a trailer. What a gift it was to work with her.

The next step in my life is waiting. Waiting to take my boards. And even before that, waiting to feel that i've tackled the content and can competently sit for the exam. Waiting for the perfect job opportunity in Nashville to present itself. By perfect, I don't mean ideal. I mean perfect as a right fit for me. But who knows what that even means! Haha. So right now patience is the name of the game. I'm carrying patience and trust with me to the finish line. Folks, it's so close! errrrrm....eeeeek! :) Thanking you all for encouraging me through the way. Love.