I can see the finish line

Errrm....eeeek. Those are the noises that often come out of my mouth before answering the sometimes anxiety-provoking question : "When do you graduate?" and "Where will you work?". The answer to the former is always, "So soon, so soon. Aug. 7th to be exact". The answer to the latter varies with "Ooooo I'm not thinking about that yet" or "I'm not quite sure but I'm sure God will work everything out! No worries", or maybe even "Psssh, I have plenty of time to think about that later". Haaa, sometimes I wonder if I give these answers because I'm trying to convince myself that is how I truly feel.

The truth is I am extremely fearful of what lies ahead. I've been a college student for 6 years total now, nestled comfortably in a dorm room, or in a community where everything is familiar and "safe". As the graduation date approaches, I realize that it is not only that I'm anxious about having the extreme responsibility of being an Nurse Practitioner, but also the fact that God may be calling me to something more than that. And the interesting aspect is that I am not exactly sure what that is yet. So, yes, he's made it quite clear that being a nurse is my calling but is that all? Will the "work" and the journey stop when I begin my first job? Nope, and that is what I'm quite sure of. So what I'm saying is that I'm quite sure that I'm not sure about what God has planned for me next. 'Tis a bit scary. But underlying all that fear, is the memory of that foundational love that has always steered my life. So although my emotions may provoke my mind to experience periodic uncertainty, my heart understands that God has it all under control. So the entire revelation, and constant struggle that I have come to realize, is that I need to trust, trust, and trust some more in God's love and ability to guide the way.

Today was my last clinical day and I still can't believe it. I've been in clinical for as long as I can remember ( well actually just since the beginning of my program in Aug. 2009). I've rotated through so many sites, and situations. And my last site couldn't have been more ideal. My preceptor was such a joy to learn from. She is a 30- something, fun, and loving family woman. She is a tender-hearted mother of three who enjoys her job, and genuinely cares for her patients. I watched her over the summer as she was often concerned, even after the patient left, whether what she prescribed would actually help them. She often followed up with our patients who came in extremely ill, calling them on several occasions ensuring that they were feeling well again and asking if they had any specific questions. She was the type of provider who would spend those extra 5-10 minutes to talk to the patient about a seemingly pointless topic, but if it was important to the patient then it was worth discussing. There were days where we were slammed with so many patients that we didn't have lunch but then there were days when we had only 10 patients. So on the days when we weren't so busy, we talked about life, God, family, and you know matters that concern a lady ( which could be anything from shopping to gardening haha). Or you might find us watching a live stream of Rupert Murdoch's testimony or making jokes about portable healthcare in a trailer. What a gift it was to work with her.

The next step in my life is waiting. Waiting to take my boards. And even before that, waiting to feel that i've tackled the content and can competently sit for the exam. Waiting for the perfect job opportunity in Nashville to present itself. By perfect, I don't mean ideal. I mean perfect as a right fit for me. But who knows what that even means! Haha. So right now patience is the name of the game. I'm carrying patience and trust with me to the finish line. Folks, it's so close! errrrrm....eeeeek! :) Thanking you all for encouraging me through the way. Love.

Pure Joy

There is something pure, organic, and contagious about a child who smiles and laughs for no tangible reason. Last night I realized the gift of joy in the widened smile, squinted eyes [ you know when you laugh to hard to see] , and high-pitched giggle of a dear sweet FIAT sister. I had been debating whether I would be able to make it to this COR night gathering of our FIAT sisters and FRATERNUS brothers [ if you have no clue what I'm talking about, ask me about it!]. Somehow God made sure that I made my way to Cathedral that evening, and for good reason.

The night began with sweet embraces with the many of the young brothers and sisters that we haven't seen since the beginning of the summer. Once we said our hellos, we all ate pizza and delighted in an ever-so-rich-in -sugar cake. Amidst having a heart-to-heart with a FIAT sister, and celebrating a dear friend's recent marriage, we were able to marinate in the soothing voice of our talented friend Rebecca Roubion [ google her, if you haven't already]. Afterwards, the true spirit and joy of the FIAT girls was illustrated by an unstoppable desire to dance, and giggle, and dance some more. The music that was playing over the speakers was none other than L'Angelus. Well this surely got the joyful dancing started, so much so that we all randomly started to "perform" with our air instruments (the fiddle/ violin/ guitar...anything our hearts desired). And the young ones began performing, with microphones, to songs that they knew every word to.

The greatest joy of the night, however, was laughing with one of the FIAT girls who was in our small group this year. I'm not sure that I can tell you what we were laughing about, but it was one of those moments when you realize that you and another sweet soul can appreciate the experience of joyful laughter without needing a reason. She is normally very quiet, and to be able to share in several minutes of laughing, dancing, smiling, and just being...was such a gift. Her sweet, sweet smile makes me remember why we FIAT mentors are a part of this community of sister souls : They remind us of what it is like to experience pure child-like joy!

So with all that said...I encourage anyone who is just feeling "blah". Grab a child, put on some cajun' swing [ or salsa ;) ], take off your shoes, get to dancin', make some air instruments [ any instrument you can think of], flip your hair ( if you don't have any, pretend you do).

Okay, and one more funny thing. I have to share. JJ's. The last couple of times that I've been there, I've asked them to put "Soy sauce" into my drink. I'm not sure why I keep slipping with my words and somehow can't say "soy milk". Anyhow, I've slipped up enough times that now they jokingly say "peaches n' ginger with soy sauce, ready!" or "Dirty chai with soy sauce!", accompanied with a little smile. Haha, I have to laugh out loud at myself. So next time ya'll are at JJ's...order your tea w/ soy sauce --- eeez yummmy.

China Rose Petal Tea…

That is my choice for today’s tea experience. At first glance, it seems strange to want to consume something that sounds like, smells like, and tastes like something you find in a garden. I humorously chose this flavor after having several discussions concerning roses in the past few weeks. The first “series” of discussions revolved around an interesting scene I recently saw in the critically-acclaimed Spanish film “Like Water For Chocolate”. A year or so ago, my friend Richard posted on my wall a recipe he said reminded him of me, and this recipe had been featured in the film, and the book from which it was adapted. The recipe calls for none other than quail…and red roses. Aside from the fact that the film is intriguing, original, rich in context, and magical in its’ showcase of how food permeates all elements of life, it makes for interesting discussion especially with the Quail in Rose Petal Sauce recipe. The beauty and insight of the book and film can be overshadowed by its’ erotic nature, but I encourage to the viewers/readers to look past that and dive into what I believe to be its’ true simple meaning : love can be demonstrated through food. And with that very vague and simplistic statement, I trust that you all can watch the film and decide a meaning for yourself. As for the recipe, on a day that I’m feeling really inspired I’m going to try to make the Quail in Rose Petal Sauce…though I’m not sure where one can find quail. Publix?

So naturally, the progression of discussions from “For Water Like Chocolate” to Quail in Rose Petal Sauce to the current topic for which I’m about to write. The scent of roses. As a Catholic, the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of roses is Mary. That is for many reasons, but most tangibly, the rose petal scented rosary that one easily find at St. Mary’s Gift Shop (here in Nashville) or the Vatican. My most recent discussion about roses was a more humorous take on the scent of roses : rose scented perspiration. Many people often hear the phrase “You are what you eat”. And if you’ve done some research ( aka web browsing), you may know that certain foods not only make your breath smell a certain way, but also make your body “aroma” smell a certain way. So for those that perspire quite a bit, what would happen if your perspiration was like a fragrant bouquet of roses? Undoubtedly someone is laughing or smirking as they are reading this ( as I am while typing it). But how interesting it would be to chew on some silky rose petals a few hours before working out, and then result in a perfume like state. This is precisely why i’m drinking China Rose Petal Tea at the moment ;). Ironically, one of my perfumes is D+G’s “the rose”. I think I may stick with that! Ha.

Keeping along those same lines. Tea. The drink of many cultures. It is the beverage that commonly brings family members, friends, and strangers together in unlikely, yet wonderful encounters. I grew up drinking tea. As a young child living in England, my mother collected tea sets. As many of you know the English love their tea! Earl gray and English breakfast were the common picks those days. When we traveled to London on a given weekend, my favorite treats were to drink “big girl” drink with biscuits and candy (of course b/c tea and candy mesh so well, right?) and then go shopping for tea sets that mom collected. I remember finding so much joy in plopping multiple sugar cubes from a high as I could reach, and watching them descend into the khaki-colored deliciousness (b/c tea is with cream is always best for my palate). Beyond those years, tea is always imbedded in my travels, and locations of living. When I spent a summer in South Korea, mom and I often shared green tea with our Korean neighbors and learning about Korean culture. Upon our more recent travels, Turkey was the most memorable in its’ cultural affinity for tea. With no exaggeration at all, every store we walked into offered us apple tea, the apparent country favorite. When we asked a local Turk why everyone seemed to love tea so much, he told us that it was a sign of genuine hospitality and genuine interest in sharing something with another. It makes sense. It is simple to make, it can be easily enjoyed with many consumables ( some more than others), and if it is made with the intention of sharing with others, it becomes a beverage of choice. Also, it is a warm beverage that soothes the body in the cold winter months. Now tying all of these random thoughts together, roses, tea, travels, I’ll leave you with this image. The Grand Bazaar. Istanbul, Turkey. The Grand Bazaar, open since approximately 1460, is home to a couple thousand shops selling spices, lamps, bags, scarves, natural perfumes/oils, and many other exotic trinkets. One of the more favorite items I purchased was an assortment of natural teas made of several different types of flowers, fruits, and spices. The vast amount display of colors and smells is enough to give you that giddy feeling inside, but also that overwhelming realization that you want all of it, but should/can only purchase 1-2 of them. I’ve attached a picture of some of the spices, although I can’t find the images of the tea from the bazaar. So here’s to roses, tea, shared memories, and lovely scents?

The picture featured at the beginning of this post is one that I took of the Grand Bazaar Dec. '09.

I Hear America Singing by Walt Whitman

I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear, Those of mechanics, each one singing his as it should be blithe and strong, The carpenter singing his as he measures his plank or beam, The mason singing his as he makes ready for work, or leaves off work, The boatman singing what belongs to him in his boat, the deckhand singing on the steamboat deck, The shoemaker singing as he sits on his bench, the hatter singing as he stands, The wood-cutter's song, the ploughboy's on his way in the morning, or at noon intermission or at sundown, The delicious singing of the mother, or of the young wife at work, or of the girl sewing or washing, Each singing what belongs to him or her and to none else, The day what belongs to the day—at night the party of young fellows, robust, friendly, Singing with open mouths their strong melodious songs